?I am very excited to share our first Foster Care Mother Interview with you. Alison has some great insight and advice to parents considering or who are currently involved in Foster Care. She has such an amazing attitude and love for these children who need her support. Thank you Alison for sharing your experience!
How many biological children do you have?
We have 3 biological children and 4 children who were adopted.? Years ago, I heard someone specify that their children *were* adopted, but now are just ?their kids?, no longer needing to be labeled as adopted.? I loved the idea! I was often asked questions like, ?Which children aren?t your real ones/the adopted ones?? and I would respond, ?The cute ones.?? The kids would try to keep from smiling as the person glanced at them for a moment (maybe trying to find the ugly ones??) before they realized that I was teasing.
How many foster children do you have, or have you had??
We became foster parents when we were married for 2 months and had an empty house.? We parented (I use the term loosely since we really had no clue what to do) teen boys at first.? We cared for 3 teen boys, one at a time.? We were thrilled to become pregnant 6 months later and we decided to parent younger children.? We welcomed sisters who were 3 & 5 yo.? Years later we did respite care for a few children/babies & since have had 3 sibling groups: 2yog & 5yob, 5yog & 8yob, 3yog & 5yob & now a 5yob.
What made you decide on foster care??
Honestly, because we knew we could do it.? I am the oldest of 5 and my hubby is the oldest boy of 10 so it seemed very lonely just the two of us.? We have always been given a preference in age/behaviors/etc so we only took what we felt comfortable handling.
How did you you start the process of becoming a foster parent?
We first provided foster care through a private agency which did contract work for the state.? They took more difficult placements, which in reflection may have not been the wisest choice when first starting out. We switched over to the state and have been with them for 18 years.
Did having foster children in your home ever effect the life of your biological children?
Some of our children have had anger issues which caused them to lash out at us and the other children.? It takes extra patience to remember that their behavior was because they had (usually) been victims themselves (of abuse/neglect/poor or no parenting) and needed to relearn appropriate behavior.? Our adopted/bio children have had normal sibling issues with foster placements. ?
Did you ever adopt or attempt to adopt any of the foster children?
All four of our adoptions were through the State of Utah.
Did you have to keep in contact with the biological parents of your foster children? If so, what was that experience like for you??
Most times we had contact with bio parents at visits and meetings.? We tried to put ourselves in their position and imagine the anger, sadness, heartache, frustration, regret that they were likely experiencing.? We really were not much different than they were.? If we had not been given the life experiences we were given, we could be in their same situation.? We still have contact with some of our foster children?s families and it is wonderful to see their families heal and be successful.
Now, we maintain contact with all of our adopted children?s biological families (moms/dads/aunts/grandmas, depending on the family).? We weren?t sure how this would work to begin with, but since all of them had fresh memories of their original families, we felt it was in the best interest of our kids to be supportive of these relationships and of these people who also loved our kids but unfortunately hadn?t been able to parent them at that time.? We stay in contact on Facebook/phone calls & visits.? They have come to dance recitals, baptisms, family parties, etc.? It varies, but we see most of them about once a year.
What was the most positive result of being a foster parent?
It is so rewarding to see the progress that a child makes in your home after being removed from a stressful situation, and helping them learn how to just ?be a kid.?? We have heard from families, years later, and are so thrilled to hear that things ?worked out? because we were there to help with the transition while people healed.
What was the most negative result of being a foster parent?
There are some negatives, but they are small when weighed against the positives.? We have had things broken & our basement flooded, but nothing vastly different than what you?d expect from a child not in foster care.? The foster care agency was also great about helping us find resources to minimize and restore the damages.? Most children who are new to our home go through a period of testing as they learn what we expect in our home and what our family routine is.? It requires a bit more supervision and reminding as they are learning and testing boundaries.
What is something that you would want someone who is considering foster care to know??
Try to keep things in perspective of a child who has had their reality and everything they have known, disappear.? Even if their situation wasn?t what you would consider ?ideal?, it was what they knew and it was ?theirs?.? Children are wonderful about learning to cope, but the stress will exhibit itself in their behavior which may seem naughty but is often just them trying to communicate ?Help!? I?m stressed.? Please show me consistency and love.? ?Be supportive and find ways to speak kindly of those they love.? I?ve often said to a child, ?X didn?t make some great choices by ____, but they are still a good person and will always love you.?
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